Christian Sex Ed.

A while back I was conversing with someone who told me that they teach their kids Sex Education the Christian way. As a Christian and a parent myself, I was VERY excited to hear what this entailed. I was ready to sit, take notes, take a video recording…I didn’t want to miss a word! They said “it’s very simple, I tell them that sex is for a husband and wife.” I waited and looked with great suspence for the rest and they said “well that’s it! That’s all my kid needs to know, sex is for married couples”. Of course my question was “what about birth control, STDs, healthy sexual behavior etc? They expressed this would not be an issue if their child waited for marriage to have sex.

As a Christian I am 100% for abstinence before marriage. As a woman, I will admit I was not a virgin when I got married.

Here is what I have to say about that approch to “sex ed”

1. First of all it’s not sex education. Abstinance is actually the oppisite of having sex, furthermore you aren’t EDUCATING them so we really shouldn’t call it that.

2. As a Christian I have heard way too many other Christians say somthing like “worst case scenario my kid will get pregnant or get someone pregnant out of wedlock and it will break my heart but we cand deal with that”. Let me assure you that is NOT the worst case scenario. What about AIDS? What about a life or death complication during pregnancy?

3. You take a huge risk beliving that your kid won’t have sex before they are married…why do people do this? Do you teach or kids not to lie? Probably so. Have they ever lied to you? I’m willing to bet they have. So what makes you think that they won’t even ONCE have a moment of indiscretion and have sex before they get married?

4. This kind of “education” must also assume that the other person won’t have sex before they marry your child too….YIKES! WHAT A RISK!

I would rather tell my child they shouldn’t have sex before marriage but make sure they know how to use a condom in case they decide otherwise, because when the doctor walks into the room and says “I’m sorrry mam’ but your child dosen’t have the flu, I regret to inform you they have AIDS” it will be too late to discuss condom use.

Most people I know that went to public school went to a sex ed class. I was surprised to find out that many Christians won’t allow their kids to go. I think that’s fine if you are TRULY going to TEACH your kids but not ok if you just want them to be ignorant. Do you have any idea how many kids believe you can’t get pregnant if you have sex if a woman is on her cycle, or that all women lose their cycle when they get pregnant, or that “withdrawl” is an effective form of birth control. I actually had a teen tell me they were certain they didn’t get their girlfriend pregnant because she jumped up and down afterward!

in a perfect world, teens wouldn’t get pregnant, everyone would be “worthy of the white dress” when they walk down the asile, and no one would have impure thoughts…but we don’t live in that kind of world so let’s arm our kids with knowledge!

I remember having “the talk” with my mother numerus times, and she was actually more informed than my teacher was…it was somehwat embarassing talking to her about it but she made sure that I was armed with knowledge. Even with the best of this knowledge not every kid will put it into practice but at least if they do turn up pregnant or with some incureable disease you will know it is not because you didn’t do everything you could to give them the tools they needed to make good decisions.

As far as sex ed in public schools…maybe things have changed since I was in school, but I actually found the class somewhat difficult. I remember having to provide the percentage of effectivness of the birth controls available (on a test) and the pros and cons of each one. I also had to list the symptoms of many kinds of STDs, how common they are etc. It wasn’t some class on how to have sex that’s for sure!

My encouragement to every parent this evening, ESPECIALLY Christian parents…teach your kids abstinance before marriage but also teach them about condoms in case they don’t listen…because is it really worth taking the chance that MAYBE they won’t slip up?

I have a personal friend with herpies, and I post this somewhat in her honor. She struggles with this condition on a regular basis, and I have seen how upset she becomes with “abstinance only” education…because she dosen’t want someone in her position based soley on the fact that they didn’t know.

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8 thoughts on “Christian Sex Ed.

  1. I could not disagree more. I believe you are then on very dangerous ground, if you take that route. Don’t tune me out yet. Teaching consequences is different then teaching them how to circumvent consequences. I believe we should teach about STD’s and pregnancy. I do believe however that they need to learn that God is the one who decides the consequence. I believe if we teach them how to get and use birth control, what we in essence are teaching them is this: “It’s a sin, you should never do it, and if you do God has consequences…..but, if you do, this is how best to try and get around His consequences.” I know that’s not the intent but that IS the message. Yes, it would be horrible to see a kid receive the consequence of their action, but is not God wiser than us. His ways are higher than our ways. Again, I’m all for teaching consequences. I just believe the biblical response would be: here’s the multiple possibilities of consequences, and when we choose to sin, the consequences are up to God. If we really dedicate our children to God, like we say we do, It’s our job to teach them His precepts….not the worlds ways to circumvent it.

    • here are my thoughts:
      If the goal is to not circumvent God’s punishments, why tell your kid about STDs at all? Why not let them just go in “blind” they know God’s commands but disobey then they should get punished right? So why be warned as to the specific punishment? How many of God’s other commands come with a specified punishment? People lie, cheat, steal, murder and get away with it in society but are punished by God in some way but there’s no way to sit your kid down and say “hey if you lie here are the natural consequences God has laid down”.
      Also I don’t believe that we can see AIDS as a consequence. How many people get AIDS through no fault of their own (a bood tansfusion, contact with someone else’s bodily fluids etc.). It can’t be a punishment for one persone and just a sad circumstance for another.
      Let’s look at this another way. Because God decides what should happen (which I totally agree with) and we shouldn’t try to circumvent the consequences, then should married people even be using birth control? We are told to be fruitful and multiply…birth control only tries to avoid God’s “consequences”. But we (many of us) use birth control…and why? Because we can’t afford more kids, some don’t want more kids etc. We know the possible end result so we take percautions.
      People backslide, I think sadly being pure on your wedding day is more the exception than the rule now days. If your child slips up even once and does so without protection they leave themselves wide open to a lot of things. God is all powerful, if he wants the consequence to be AIDS or a baby a condom sure won’t stop him (believe me I have twins to prove he can work miracles)…but not using any prrotection would make me wonder if we aren’t just flat out tempting him.

  2. I agree with Pastor Mike’s comments whole-heartedly.

    My plan for my kids, (when and if they are allowed to date while they are in my household) is to set the boundaries as far away as possible from the ‘slippery slope’ of a physical relationship before marriage. First, they will not be allowed to pick any random person that they want to date. There will be a very close scrutiny of any potential date that my child would be interested in. There will be no dating alone, most likely not double dates, or even group dates, without me or my wife present. A ‘date’ would be sitting next to each other at church with a song book between them at all times. They will not be a car alone together. They will not be allowed to hold hands or hug good-bye. They will not be allowed to text back and forth late at night, and whatever texting goes on will be 100% inspected by me. They will know that their parents and their Savior expect them to present themselves clean at the wedding altar. They will have the full understanding that they are bought with a price, and their body is not their own, to do whatever they want with. The list could go on and on. And yes, it is certainly intimidating to live in a time when it is an exception to be ‘clean’ at the wedding altar, but I intend to fight for all I’m worth to help my children to do just that. Giving them ‘options’ such as condoms and birth control would be waving a white flag of surrender in my opinion.

    And just a quick comment on ‘AIDS being a consequence’. It really has to be considered a possible consequence. The definition of consequence is ‘the result of an action’, so there’s technically no way around that. If it was not for that action (the sex), there would not have been the result (the AIDS). But I agree with you that not everyone who gets AIDS is being punished. Certainly someone who got a bad blood transfusion and contracted AIDS may simply be unfortunate. Only God judge can them.

    • I think those standards are wonderful! I really do. But the question is what about when they no longer live in your household? I’m not saying tell your child “hey when you have sex use a condom, you can take bus 8 and connect to bus 6 which will lead you right to planned parenthood for your free contraceptives” but I am saying have an honest conversation with your child praying and hoping for the best but being realistic. How many times do young teens get brought before someone’s church because they have gotten pregnanat or impregnated someone? The parents ist xrying in the corner baffled saying “but we taught them about abstinence before marriage”. (In my opinon they should be thanking God it wasn’t something worse) Well the reality is kids will find a way to do whatever it is they want to do. That is why you hear stories about kids having sex under the bleachers at school, or getting in trouble for being “alone” at a church camp, or sneaking out of the house. Christian teens are no exception. They rebell…and for me personally I would rather if my teen rebelled in that way they had some knowledge than found themselves in a situation they never thought possible. In college, a friend of mine had a one night stand with someone. They grew very ill over the next couple of weeks and couldn’t figure out why. My friends and I had to talk to her about safe sex, we had to tell her to see a doctor, we had to talk to her about STDs because she hadn’t had that education. That is not only wrong it’s flat TERRIFYING. I am all for teaching abstinance as I said, but if we don’t also teach our kids about the diseases out there waiting on them they could be in big trouble.
      I plan to teach my kids not to drink, I don’t plan to let them drink in our home etc. Ill teach them to no be around drunk people and will pray they listen, but for good measure I will also tell them not to ride with a drunk driver and give them the number to yellow cab. Stupid decisions don’t have to ruin your entire life but they will if you aren’t armed with knowledge.

      • I definitely agree about teaching the consequences of sin, just don’t agree on teaching them how to best avoid those consequences (i.e. condoms and birth control). I wouldn’t teach my kid ‘smoking is wrong, but if you ever do, make sure to smoke filtered cigarettes’. I wouldn’t teach them ‘drinking is wrong, but if you ever do, sober up a bit before you head out on the roads’.

        Another important thing to bring up is: I’m trying to think of any Biblical example of warning someone of sin’s consequences, but also giving them their best ‘plan B’ for just in case. I don’t know of any. But Proverbs 5 does seem to be a striking commentary on this exact topic:

        vs 3-5
        3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth [1] is smoother than oil: 4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.

        and:

        vs 20-23
        20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? 21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. 22 His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 23 He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

      • Two questions

        1. If you say “I would teach them about STDs and birth control but don’t want to teach them how to circumvent God’s punishments” what exactly are you teaching them ABOUT STDs and birth control. Again, I never said tell your kids where to get it or “hey just in case you want to have sex here is what you do” I am saying sit them down and say “this is what sex is…nit was meant for married people. Here is a possible consquence of sex (even for married folks) AIDS here is what the symptoms are. This is a condom, it does not protect against all STD’s and is far from 100% effective. Here is an IUD, these are the risks of using one etc” honestly that info (birth control) comes in handy even for married people because not all birth contol is effective and many carry life and death risks even infertility.

        2. How do you justify a married couple using birth control? We are supposed to be fruitul and multiply and one of the “consequences” of sex is preganancy so isn’t birthcontrol just trying to circumvent that?

  3. Many times in in scripture the consequence is spelled out before hand. The first example that comes to mind is the very first sin ever, Adam and Eve were told what would happen when they eat of the tree. Nothing wrong with telling a person the consequence for a wrong behavior.

  4. I’m not sure why so many parents believe that “sex education” is a good thing, when they say that what they really hope their child chooses is abstinence. But, I’m here to tell you- “sex education” isn’t necessary.

    My parents never once explained, described or listed STDs to me. They never talked about AIDs, what a condom was for, or how to use one. They didn’t sit me down and tell me what a healthy sexual relationship looked like. Not once. But, they did teach me that God created sex to be enjoyed within the safe confines of marriage. And they did tell me that they expected and desired for me to be pure at the wedding altar. And in watching their relationship, I knew what a healthy relationship was- I didn’t need it explained to me, because I saw it everyday. They didn’t try to scare me into purity by telling me all the seedy details of what could happen, instead they taught me that sex outside of marriage was sin, that sex within marriage was a good, God-blessed thing, and that keeping myself pure until marriage was an honorable and attainable goal.

    And they didn’t just tell me those things, they set rules and guidelines to ensure that they had done everything possible to help me meet that goal. They monitored my friendships, had guidelines for who I could go out with, where I could go, and what I could do while gone. If I violated those rules, the rules got tighter. If I honored the rules, they didn’t loosen them up as a reward, because the safety net they’d created was it’s own reward.

    I will not ever be handing my children pamphlets on STDs. But, we have been reading “The Princess and the Kiss” and “The Squire and the Scroll” together for a few years now. I will not sitting down with a condom in hand, explaining to them how to use it ‘just in case’. But, I can help them memorize Scriptures that can easily be recalled when temptation of any kind comes before them. We won’t need to discuss ‘healthy sexual behavior’ because what they see in my day-to-day relationship with their daddy will speak volumes to them as to what a ‘healthy’ relationship is supposed to be like.

    Will they always do what I’ve taught them to do? No. But, that doesn’t relieve me of my job of putting up safeguards to help protect and keep them from sin.

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