Irresponsible Parenting

I have had it! Tonight I watched a show called “what would you do” which is a television show where people are exposed to bad situations and hidden cameras see how they react. In the last segment they explained that a child had written them stating that he’s subjected to “ginger bullying” which neither the producers nor I had ever heard of. Apparently it is the bullying of children with red hair…and do you know where they got it from? South Park! First of all, South Park is probably the KING of crappy television. It sits right up there with the Jerry Springer show and Family Guy. If that is what floats your boat FINE, but as an adult, as a PARENT you have the responsibility to monitor your child’s behavior which includes their TV watching. If you as a parent are reading this thinking “I let my kid watch it and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it” I’m here to tell you that there is. Is your kid a little angel? Do they do everything you tell them to do? OF COURSE THEY DONT. And they are exposed to enough mess in the world without you allowing them to be exposed to more mess in your home! So when theyh start behaving the way the south park kids do and start getting poor grades in school and you start getting suspension letters from the principal I want you to look in the mirror and say “this is my fault because I was either too lazy to be a concerned parent or I wanted to be my child’s friend and ‘everyone else was doing it'” PARENTS IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GROW UP! Start taking responsibility. Know what your kid is watching and if they are under the age of 18, still in school, or still living in your home START CENSORING! Maybe you won’t be the “cool mom” on the block but at least you will be a good one!

16 thoughts on “Irresponsible Parenting

  1. Couldn’t disagree with you more. What about not censoring but watching these things WITH your child and opening up a discussion/debate about it? Wouldn’t that be more respectful and honest, rather than controlling. If you censor they will only find sneaky ways to watch it anyway.

    • The problem with that is this:
      1. Parents that are too lazy and uninvolved to care what their kids are watching the first place are most likely not going to watch AND discuss these things with their kids.

      2. Just because a parent discusses something with their childen does NOT mean they will listen. How many times does a parent have to discuss keeping the room clean, not breaking curfew, not staying up all night so they are groggy for school the next morning? It is a CONSTENT battle and to add somthing else in that is completely unesseary is only going to make things harder and may be just about sucessful as the things I mentioned above.

      3. Where would a parent draw the line? There used to be more standards and now parents let their kids do just about anything. If we let them watch south park because wwe can discuss it later, why not do the same with porn? Why stop at television? Why not smoke weed with them and discuss how it is bad? All I’m saying is that if you do one thing when and how will you decide what is going too far and what isn’t?

      • You are going to the other extreme – the what ifs. Does your kid want to watch porn and smoke weed? If they did, and you already had an open line of communication because they already listen to you (because you haven’t been controlling in the past) then you can discuss these things with them. Help them make an informed choice about doing these things. Why would you assume a young child would even want to do these things, like watching sex on tv. My 11 year old daughter is free to watch whatever she wants but she does not want to watch sex – she finds it ikky. She does like horror though, but I will watch it with her as she feels more comfortable that way. My 10 year old son on the otherhand won’t even watch Harry Potter as he hates to feel scared, and sex on tv wouldn’t remotely interest him.
        If parents are battling their kids over cleaning their rooms and breaking curfews it is because they have created the battleground. Give them choices and freedom, remain present and involved (when they want it), and the battleground is gone.

    • And as you said “discussion/debate” they are the child there should be no debate you as a parent have to be the voice of reason child rearing shouldn’t be a democracy.
      Also if they sneak around that means they know it is wrong which is a step in the right direction πŸ™‚

  2. Reblogged this on asktheshepherdess and commented:
    Why not sit and watch these shows WITH your child, and discuss, observe and debate with them about what is going on. This then helps them understand the world and make choices for themselves, rather than forcing them to sneak and lie to get to watch ‘forbidden fruit’ – C

  3. I agree with you, Aliya!

    I’m so sick of the “just let your kids do it with your supervision, because they’re gonna sneak around and do it anyway” argument! Not only is it not true, but people only apply it when it’s important to *them*. I mean, why not let your kids eat candy all day long- they might sneak off and do it anyway. Better to let them develop diabetes on your watch, than to get it behind closed doors. Give ’em the keys to your car while you’re at it, who cares if they are only 13- it’s highly possible that they are sneaking a drive around the block at their friend’s house, so this way, if they get in a wreck, they ran over the neighbor’s kid with your blessing as opposed to having gone behind your back.

    And this nonsense of “let’s do it together, so we can discuss why the bad stuff is bad” argument is equal rubbish. How about you take a midnight stroll together through a bad neighborhood’s back alley? That way, they can see firsthand the sad life of the prostitute and mugger. Or why not go on a five-finger-discount spree at the local mall? When you guys get thrown in jail together, they’ll learn a lesson they will no doubt never forget- and you were there for them the whole way.

    I truly believe that parents who let their kids do as they please, under the guise of “they might sneak and do it anyway” or “we can discuss it better this way”, in actuality do so for their own sake. They are attempting to circumnavigate ever having to say that their children rebelled against them. Permit everything, and there are no rules to be broken. If the child breaks no parental rules, then the adult appears to be a perfect parent, and their child equally as amazing.

    In reality, it’s lazy parenting. Pure and simple.

      • How is it lazy parenting to be more present, mindful and connected to your kids? Looking at each individual child and situation and living through principles rather than one-size-fits-all rules. Guiding them through life rather than barking orders, and creating rules, restrictions and limits that really don’t take much thought or presence.
        Strict parents often like to insult those of us who are more mindful in their approach because it makes them feel better about what they are doing. Pure and simple.

      • I think it’s a half and half thing. Some parents that parent that way have the best of intentions, but the truth is, just as many just don’t care.

        Children need sturcture, this “let me sit with them while they watch it” thing dosent work trust me. What ends up happening is your kid doesn’t know where the line is. You may think that that the examples which tammy provided are “out there” but your kids won’t. If it’s ok to watch south park which is full of racist languages, bullying, kids behaving badly etc., why is it not ok to watch porn? Because it’s sex? Then is it not ok to watch simpsons episodes involving sex? Or is it ok because it’s a cartoon? Because you aren’t setting any standard, when you say “porn is off limits” that will be confusing for them.
        You talk about “guiding” your kids rather than giving them hard fast rules, but the cold hard truth is that the world dosent work that way. Speed limits are not guidelines they are HARD FAST RULES, no tresspassing, no murder, no drinking before whatever age, etc. These are not guidelines these are hard fast rules. Failing to set standards in your home even over the little things makes their transition into society that much harder. Setting a standard and keeping to it is a lot more work than “here johnny joe let’s watch the simpsons and talk about how we shouldbt grow up to be alcoholic dead beat fathers”

      • Sure there are real rules in life – no talking in the library, speed limits, etc – and they should be followed. Why create arbitrary rules though in your own home? You are clearly not open to another way, which is fine. You seem adamant that this way will not work – but how do you know? Have you ever known anyone parent the way I am talking about? Not permissive, lazy parenting but progressive parenting? Have you done it yourself? I doubt it. I will end on saying that I have known hundreds of families close up, and heard of thousands, who parent this way and their kids don’t end up alcoholic dead beats, but emotionally-stable, respectful, a-joy-to-be-around kids.

      • Actually, believe it or not I speak from experience. I was raised that way. My mother did the whole “let’s talk about this” etc. I remeber struggling as a child as to where the line was. Now I wasn’t a bad kid so to speak. I didn’t bully, I didn’t beat up other kids etc. However, I can remember twice from my childhood watching something at my friend’s house, telling my mother, and she was pretty horrified. But how was I supposed to know she wouldn’t like it? My mother was and is one of my best friends the benefit to her style of parenting was that I could tell her anything. In college I was drinking at a party (underage) and the cops pulled up. At least 30 of us scattered everywhere, jumping fences etc. we didn’t get caught, but when I told my mom she asked why I was drinking underage I told her I felt it was a stupid law (in Europe where we used to live the drinking age is not like here in America). My mother explained that even though I thought it was stupid I still had to obey it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around that. I still think it’s a dumb law BUT I also know how difficult it is to obey hard fast rules when you have not been raised that way. I wish my mother were a blogger because I can’t tell you how many times she has told me she regrets having raised me that way. Now of course I think my mother is the best that ever lived and I would go toe to toe with anyone who said otherwise because she is my mother and I love her. The thing is though, I have had a view of the law that most people do not, and by all rights I should at least have spent a few nights in the drunk tank, and gotten way more speeding tickets than I have.
        The last thing I will say is that you may end up being the “cool mom” but again while at college I realized I don’t want my kids spendding the night at the “cool mom’s house. I visited a friend’s home (in college). She still lived with her parents during spring and summer break. We arrived at her house at midnight. We blew up a big swimming pool, broke out wine bottles, at 3 am her parents joined in, they start smoking weed, people are passing around weed, and after a while her PARENTS suggest shrooms. Amazingly many of us had just finished lifeguard training, and someoen finally said “we have a swimming pool full of lifeguards, all of them are drunk, some are high and some are hallucinating so NONE of them are useful”. Later it dawned on me: this girl had “cool” parents, but where were the standards? If this is ok to do with your parents what would you do when you AREN’T around them?

      • You really aren’t getting it. Rules should make sense, and if they do, kids and adults naturally want to follow them. Most unspoken rules make sense too. Your kids can choose to flout the rules or follow them. There are real-life consequences to both. My kids actually are obsessed with rules – they LOVE them and can’t understand when others around them don’t follow them. I will give some examples, they are homeschooled so we are often in the library and they are always quiet as there is a big sign up and other kids are noisy. I don’t say anything about it (I don’t have to) and they often ask me why the kids don’t follow the rules. I think it is because most kids have so many they get sick to death of them.
        We also go to a soft play centre regularly and the rules are no socks no play. This doesn’t make sense to my four year old who tries to flout the rules (she loves to climb and the socks limit her as she has a lack of grip). I remind her before we go that she has the choice of going and wearing the socks, or not going. I tell her that we will be thrown out of the place if she doesn’t wear her socks – it’s true! So begrudgingly she chooses to wear the socks. If the rule gets too much for her during the visit, we leave. No shame or yelling, just ‘this is too hard for you to follow now so we will leave’.

        With your point about other parents, my kids know they are parented differently than most of their friends. They know that if they have a sleepover and they watch things at 2am that the other parent wouldn’t approve of that it could affect the chances of a reoccuring sleepover. I always talk to other child too about this. If they break their parents rules at my house, then it is highly likely my house will be off-limits. They get it and, these kids normally want to go ahead anyway, but my daughter always discourages them. She doesn’t want to lose her friends and she thinks it is abhorent that they would lie and sneak around from their parents.

        You may not agree, but I think I am doing a great job and I have a teenager who is very loyal, honest, caring and considerate. I don’t think many mums with teenagers could say that.

      • My only reply to this is that your kids are still in your home. This is the same way I behaved when I still lived at home, but when I got out of the house things were much much different. Regardless of the fact that we disagree I do wish your whole family well πŸ™‚ and I do hope they turn out as great kids πŸ™‚

      • Tammy, I think you grosly misunderstand this style of parenting. I have never known any progressive parents adopting this style of parenting because they want to have no rules so there kids can’t break them, and then appear a perfect parent. That is a bizarre accusation that I think has no basis in reality. In my experience, progressive parents work extremely hard to ensure their kids are socially-acceptable, and kind and considerate of others whilst still maintaining a strong connection with their kids. We don’t believe kids can do as they please and bugger everyone else. Far from it. We help our kids make good choices that belong to them – we don’t do that through rote learning but through gentle guidance.

        Think about it – if you say ‘you can’t do this or that – end of’ then how is your child learning anything about making a good choice? What I am advocating is them learning how to navigate certain situations with your help. To suggest that they will end up being prostitutes, muggers, or thieves is just insulting to children (let alone to progressive parents) because, contrary to popular belief, children aren’t stupid or inherently bad when treated with respect.

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