How Day 1 “Accept Him as He is” and “Acknowledge Your Faults” went:
Ok, as I stated, I will let you know how things go. Day 1 was pretty good. What you need to understand about our lives right now is that due to the government shutdown, I’m laid off, which means I’m home ALL DAY with twin two-year-old boys. It also means, that as of now, my husband is the sole income in the home, and although we are often strapped for money, I make a good amount of money at my job (quite a bit above minimum wage), SO stress is high. Yet, I’m determined to make a change, no excuses! Last night, my husband and I had some GREAT conversations about God, preaching he’d heard on the radio, and even conversations he’d had about God at work. We did bicker some though, and my husband said “It’s the devil”. We began bickering when the kids started being difficult. My husband said “the devil is using our kids to keep us from talking, and to keep us tense.” Because we recognized this, we were able to move on from it. Accepting him as he was yesterday was easy, because our washer broke, and my husband who is very handy, fixed it. Easy to accept someone when they are doing something you like don’t you think? I did get snippy during parts of the evening, but was able to acknowledge right away that I was snippy, and able to admit it right away. The funny thing was, I was simply prepared to just apologize and let things go, but immediately after I recognized that I was being snippy, my husband recognized that he was being snippy as well, and HE apologized. We weren’t in some big heated argument, just being testy. So, so far, it seems as though with my change in behavior my husband is finding it easier to change his behavior as well.
Day 2: Letter “B
B: Believe in Him: Be his Biggest Cheerleader!
Believe it or not, this one is very easy for me. Although I can focus on my husband’s faults a lot, I am really good at believing in him. I don’t say this to brag, it’s just true. I do believe in my husband, which is precisely why I’m so hard on him. As I mentioned, my husband is a handy guy. He knows how to fix things around the house, even things that the average man doesn’t know how to fix. Where I run into my problem is when I don’t feel my husband believes in himself enough. For example, a couple of years ago, our washer broke (yup the same washer that gave us fits last night). Last night, it was just the knobs, a couple of years ago, it was POURING water out of the bottom. A lot of women would have thought “there’s no way my husband could fix this” or “I wonder if he knows how to do this”. I, on the other hand, had NO DOUBT that my husband could fix it. Despite the fact that he said he had only fixed a washer once in his entire life, didn’t know much about them, and didn’t want to mess anything up worse (how could it possibly get worse?). So after my assertions that he could do it, he finally gave in and said he’d “do the best he could” and 20 minutes later, the washer was fixed! My problem is not believing in him, it’s being his cheerleader. If you notice, when you watch the Super Bowl, the Cheerleaders cheer their team on and are so excited when their team succeeds and they cheer them on when they are going through a rough time. Never EVER do you see them run out onto the field, get in the players faces and say “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? Why didn’t you make that touchdown!?!?! You aren’t even trying!!!” How many times though do we do that with our husbands? How often do we say those very things? I know I do it quite a lot.
The problem with this approach is that he doesn’t see that as you believing in him. He sees it as you being a nag, which quite honestly, you are being one. The other issue is that when he does complete the task, you can’t just celebrate the “touchdown”, what happens is you end up saying “well finally you made the touchdown! Thanks for finally TRYING!” It completely takes away from his success. So instead, just let him know in a calm voice: “honey, I think you can do it, I really believe that you can. Could you please try for me?” I have actually been working on this already. Recently, we had a huge water leak in the household. My husband, as usual, was concerned that he couldn’t fix it. Instead of becoming annoyed that he wasn’t doing what needed to be done right away and just TRYING, I simply told him “baby, I would really like if you would just try. I believe that you can do it. If you decide later that you can’t, then we can come up with another plan.” When he fixed the leak, I was able to rejoice with him, in a sincere way. Totally happy. I got to be supportive, and my husband got to provide for his family. That’s the way it SHOULD be.
B: Block Out What the World Has to Say
We live in a society where women submitting to their husbands is looked at as a bad thing. Society also tells us that no one should change who they are, that the rest of the world should just have to deal with you because who you are is “just fine”. We also live in a world where we don’t have to take responsibility for anything. It’s actually encouraged that we blame others for our behavior.
One of the things that I struggled with for quite sometime is society’s view of a woman’s role in marriage. Now days, a woman who submits to her husband is considered “old fashioned” and “weak”. If a husband views himself as the head of the household then he’s a “chauvinist” and “controlling”. Tell me, what do you think these “liberal” views has gotten us? The divorce rate is insanely high, marriages are falling apart at the seams, and children suffer the consequences.
Instead of caring how society, your friends, or your family view your marriage, focus on how GOD views your marriage. The rest of those people don’t care at all how your marriage turns out, as a matter of fact, most of them would be somewhat pleased if you got a divorce because it would give them something to gossip about. When you got married, you made a vow, not just to your spouse but to God that you would stay together, through the good and the bad. In our world today, vows are made to be broken. Society changes, but God doesn’t. In His eyes, vows are NEVER made to be broken. God didn’t just ask that we commit our marriages to Him, He also laid down a clear plans so that we would be able to keep these vows. Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5:25). Women are to submit themselves to their own husbands. (Ephesians 5:22). The husband is to be the head of the wife. (Ephesians 5:23). Yes, it seems old fashioned, but it’s God’s way, and God is unchanging.
With all of that said, my goal here is to focus on what God wants me to do. I need to ignore snide comments from friends and family about how our marriage is run. Even as I write this, I am thinking of some family members that would have something negative or some smart-aleck comment to make. One thing that I have tried to do is distance myself from those who behave this way. It’s not about ignoring them because they don’t agree with me, it’s about distancing myself from individuals who would be a hindrance to my marriage. The devil does enough to tear your marriage apart, don’t allow him to use other people to tear your marriage apart. Focus all of your energy on improving your marriage, and when you do that, you won’t have energy for the naysayers.
That’s all for today! Thanks for continuing to share in my journey!