My 26-day journey to becoming a better wife! “G”

How “Flexibility Breeds Contentment” and “Forget the past” went:

            Ok, so first, a general update: we didn’t argue for the past two days! That’s good! I apologize for not writing  one yesterday. You ever have one of those days where you wake up and everything is already going wrong? That’s the kind of day I had yesterday. I was panicking, calling my husband, trying to get some information etc. It was just ROUGH. Then, the kids were being completely crazy, and you know how that goes. We both kept our cool, and we were actually both really flexible in coming up with new plans for dinner, with working out our stressful situation in the morning, and eventually we just relaxed so that was WONDERFUL. Over the past couple of days, there have been times when my husband has done things that make me want to bring up the past. Fortunately, I remembered my goals and decided not to bring it up. It made for a much more peaceful household, and surprisingly, I couldn’t even tell you now what he did if I wanted to because I simply can’t remember. Something that I’m learning about “forget the past” or not bringing it up, is that it makes the current situation easier to deal with, and easier to forget as well. So cheers to a successful day!

  G: “Go along with the decisions that he makes”: </ This is another one that I’m sure people will think is old fashioned, but it’s Biblical and very important. It’s also something that I struggle with. I am a natural born leader, but I enjoy a dominate man. When I was dating my husband, he was extremely dominate, after we got married, and had kids, I think he became overwhelmed by the responsibility, and he began to wane in his dominance. I started to step into the things that he was waning on. This became an issue as eventually I became the dominate one in our household. This would cause a lot of problems in our household, as I would greatly desire for him to take charge, as me being in charge was really stressful for me, and he would just be constantly annoyed. God put the man in the role as the head of the household for a reason. I have a theory behind it: men and women are different. Men see a big picture, while a woman sees little details. Because we see little details, we are completely obsessed with everything going “just right”, but the problem is, in real-life, most things aren’t “just right”. Plus, a man deals with stress in a much different way than we do. Do you as a woman ever have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because you are stressed out, and then you look at your husband who is snoring away and it infuriates you? Men are better able to compartmentalize. Basically, they can be stressed about an issue, but they tend to move on until the issue arises once more. Women, we tend to be the opposite. We stress until an issue is resolved, and EVERYTHING we do becomes driven by this underlying stress. There’s nothing that we can do to change that, but there’s a very easy way to get you out of the stress cycle: do things GOD’S WAY!

            God’s way is that the man should be the head of the household. He should make the decisions, which should be lead by instruction from God. We as the women should follow. I know it’s hard to do, like I said, I’m a natural born leader, but even as I’ve been working on this, I have noticed that my stress level has decreased which has decreased the stress level in the household all around. The reason that I feel less stressed is because I just feel like “if this is the plan that my husband has, and I do what I’m supposed to do and follow him, it’s going to be OK.” That’s not to say that everything is always going to work out. Our husbands will at times make stupid decisions, but that falls on THEM, because even though those consequences may effect the rest of the household, it’s then HIS DECISION as to how to fix these things! It’s still your job to just FOLLOW! I asked my pastor once what if my husband makes a decision that I really feel is stupid and wrong, and my pastor said “so what? Suck it up! You are supposed to be his help-meet and submit”. Ok…well, I haven’t even sucked up the fact that pastor said that three years ago lol! So, “sucking it up” is a hard thing to do, but the fact is that he’s right. Don’t get me wrong, you can and should still voice your opinions to your husband, but encourage him to make the final decision, and when he does, you need to follow it.

            One piece of advice that I will give to leaders like myself, BACK OFF. I mean TOTALLY back off. I would constantly give my opinion, and when my husband would make a decision that I didn’t care for, I would say “well did you think about ______?” Eventually, I would in a round-about way, get him to make the decision that I wanted him to make in the first place. That’s still ME leading, NOT him. If you are a natural born leader, stop giving your opinion for a while. If your husband has all of the information that you do, let him make the decision. I know that it’s hard, and it definitely is very difficult for me, but I realized that this was the only way to truly allow him to be the leader, and for me to be submissive. After we get comfortable in those roles and it’s more established, I can then give my opinion without feeling that I’m swaying him.

            Some women feel that they have husbands who just don’t know how to lead or that will never make decisions. As I said, my husband used to be very dominate, but then somehow our roles got switched in the household. When that happened, my husband stopped making as many decisions, it almost became like pulling teeth to get him to make a decision. What I’ve started to do is back off, but also I ask him to make smaller decisions on a more regular basis. For example, I ask him on a daily basis what he would like for me to wear when he gets home, and what he would like for me to wear to bed. Now remember, guys aren’t really that detail oriented, so I’m not expecting for him to say “wear a black skirt with a red top and a red scarf in your hair” but I know that it’s going to be something more along the lines of “wear a skirt and something nice”. Now when it comes to bed clothes, expect him to be able to be way more specific. :). These are things that he knows I will be asking him every single day. Also, when I make my meal plan for the week, I run it by him for “approval”. I do ask him for ideas if I’m stuck and can’t think of anything, but generally I try to come up with most of it myself. Ladies, you know why. Your husband may just LOVE something that you make that takes you about 6 hours to make. You really may not be feeling up to that. Or you may have a husband that could live off of corn dogs and French fries. My husband falls into the first category. If I ask him what he would like to eat, he’s going to say “fried chicken”. I know he loves it, but he has very little idea as to how much work it is. When I suggest pot roast, he’s for it but he’ll say “isn’t that a lot of work?”. Dude, pot roast takes me 15 minutes to get everything together and put it in the oven or the slow-cooker, fried chicken is at least a 1.5 hour meal all together (chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, rolls etc.). So again, open things up for him to have the ability to make decisions, and ASK him to make even small decisions on a daily basis just to get him more used to you stepping back and him stepping up, but when it comes to things like the meal plan, be smart about it. My husband would tell you in a heartbeat that he loves my cooking, but if me cooking a huge meal means that I don’t have energy to be intimate later, he’ll settle for a hot dog and call it a plan.

            The other thing about going along with his decisions is that you must remember that there will be “growing pains. He’s not going to instantly be the best decision maker in the world, and you are not instantly going to become the most submissive wife in the world. So if your family is being run like “Roseanne” today, don’t expect to have a “Leave it to Beaver” family tomorrow. So try to be patient with one another.

 

G: Give thanks to God and your husband Constantly:

            1 Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

            I know that life is tough. We go through so much on a regular basis, and sometimes in a trial, it’s hard to find anything to be thankful for, but yet and still, you need to. Let me take you through my morning this morning. Last night, I had trouble sleeping. Yes, I was stressed about something. My husband was snoring away. I had to ask him several times to roll over, I finally got to sleep and it felt like just then my husband is waking me up telling me I need to come latch the door behind him (our kids know how to unlock and open doors so we have to keep the door latched at all times so they don’t “escape” in the middle of the night). I get up, latch the door, and my husband told me that he had recently sent the boys back to bed. I crawled back in bed and went to sleep. A little while later, one of my sons comes in my bedroom and asks for some milk. I get up, walk to the kitchen and stop dead. A half-gallon of iced coffee has been poured all over the kitchen floor. The box of doughnuts is on the floor, with several doughnuts missing. My husband’s tool box has been moved to the living room. They had pulled the Redi Whip ® out of the fridge and put it on the counter. The ketchup was on their small table, and there was a block of ice melting on the floor. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I already have enough to do without little people adding to the difficulty. Instead, I got busy trying to clean it up, and then praised God for the fact that my children are healthy enough to make a mess. My kids have had so many health issues in the past, and have been to the hospital more times than I can count. So today, I thought of every parent who has had to kiss their child for the last time on a hospital bed, who has had to bury their child or children, and I thanked God for mine. Remember, God deserves your praise regardless of what you are going through. Everyone in my household has the flu right now. It’s annoying because I’m drained, my husband is drained and the kids are cranky and drained, BUT I praised God that we are all sick at the same time. There were MONTHS where we couldn’t go to church because we all kept passing around a virus. This way we all have it at once and will hopefully get over it at once. Even if God never gave us another thing, and never did anything for us again, He still deserves our praise as He sent His son to die for us. So in every struggle you face, find a way to praise God. In EVERYTHING!

            You should also find ways to thank your husband on a regular basis. I know it’s hard, especially when your husband is driving you nuts, but thanking him can be encouraging and it also lets him know that you appreciate him. When my husband has a hard day at work, I try to remember to thank him for even going to work, because there are men out there that just won’t get off the couch and work. I try to thank him when he’s taken care of the kids, given them baths etc. When he does things that take some of the responsibility and pressure off of me, I thank him for that. Being thankful toward your husband also does something to you too. It helps to get rid of some bitterness. If I can thank my husband for cleaning the kitchen so that I didn’t have to, then maybe I won’t focus so hard on the one dish that didn’t get cleaned. If I can thank him for giving the twins a bath for me so that I could relax, then maybe I won’t focus so hard on the fact that the bathroom floor is covered in water. It’s harder to be bitter when you are thankful. The thing is though, that you have to make sure that you are sincere about your thankfulness. I did try this for a while a while back, and then actually became bitter because my husband wasn’t reciprocating and telling me “thank you” back. Well now, I kind of don’t care. If my husband thanks me for things that I do that’s AWESOME and I love that. If he doesn’t, that’s OK, because I’m doing the things I do out of love not for thanks. Make sure that you continue to thank your husband for things. If you are struggling that badly to find something to be thankful to him for my advice is to pray. Get on your knees and pray until God brings something to mind that you can be thankful to your husband for. Your thankfulness can be an encouragement to him, and it will help you to see him in a different light. That’s a win-win for both of you.

 

That’s it for now. Thanks for continuing to read and follow the blog! Please keep us in your prayers! Thank you!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s