20 reasons why having children close in age is not the same as having twins.

I realized that my blog name is “twin mom” but I have never written anything specifically about twins. I’m a member of a lot of “twin parents” or “parents of multiples” groups online and I’ve run across the same complaint many times. Twin parents hear a lot of “Well I have 4+ kids they aren’t all the same age but still…” or “I had two kids that are 9 months apart, it’s the same thing”. It drives twin parents crazy, and then people actually get offended when we admit that it drives us crazy. So, I’d like to give you the chance to have a “peek” into our world, in the hopes that maybe you will understand why these comments sometimes drive us nuts, and why sometimes parents of multiples cling to each other for support. So here’s a list of reasons why it’s much different. Try to remember these things when you think “that twin mom is just playing-up her situation…it’s really no big deal”

  1. When  our kids were born we had to buy two car seats. We don’t get to purchase a  car seat, have a child grow out of it and pass it down to the next child. That’s two car seats, and guess what, when they grow out of said car seats,  we have to buy two more!
  2. Going to the store alone when your twins are infants is next to impossible. You have to use a carrier of some kind. My husband and I chose  to use their infant car seats which doubled as carriers. Guess what: Two infant car seats and a diaper bag fit into a cart…that’s ALL. So you can go to the store alone, you just can’t buy anything bigger than a pack of      gum.
  3. Our kids start walking at the same time. Even if you have kids 9 months apart,  the older child is going to walk before the younger one. Which means that  you only have one child to hunt down and stop from making a mess. Plus      then, eventually you are able to teach that child “DON’T TOUCH THIS”,  granted you have to turn around a couple of months later and do the same thing to the younger child. But consider two children, walking at pretty much the same time, but in different directions, tearing two different things up, and trying to teach them BOTH “Don’t touch this”. That’s a twin parent’s LIFE.
  4. The terrible twos. Remember when your child threw a fit in the middle of the supermarket? Or when they ran around the department store like a crazy person? Or when they had a meltdown at home because their favorite movie      wouldn’t play? Imagine having two of them, and one is running around the store while the other is having a meltdown. Or one is having a meltdown at home while the other is BREAKING your DVD player trying to get it to work      for THEIR favorite movie. TWO kids going through the terrible twos AT      ONCE.
  5. Potty      training. Yeah you would think it would be easier because they would see      each other doing it, but it’s not. They try to close the lid on each other      while the one is sitting on the toilet. Or one flushes the toilet while the      other is trying to use it, which scares him to death.
  6. The blame game. When you have kids that are somewhat far apart in age (not born on the same day), you can pretty well figure out who did what. For example, there’s no way that your infant spilled milk all over the kitchen floor, but when you have two kids at once who are the same age and both testing their boundaries, unless you see it happen, you have no idea who did it, and they will both blame each other.
  7. The popularity and stupid questions. Parents of singletons, do you ever go to the store and people gather around your child and say “What a lovely 2-year old! How much did he/she weigh when they were born?”, “Are they a      singleton?”, “Was it a hard pregnancy?”, “Is your child natural?”, “How much weight did you gain during your pregnancy?”, “Are they healthy?”. These are questions that twin parents get almost EVERY TIME we go out. It      got so bad for us as we lived in a medium-sized town, that the Wal-mart employee who greets you at the door would spread the word that “the twins are here!”, by the time we made it back to the movie section, there was a gathering of employees around our cart making it impossible to move or shop. Complete strangers would follow us around the store asking crazy questions. In what world is it ok for a stranger to ask about my medical history or that of my children? That’s the world that twin parents live in.
  8. Increased doctor’s appointments. This happens from the moment the doctors find out that you are pregnant with twins. You know those ultrasounds that singleton moms are sooooo excited to have? Well twin moms have them EVERY      TIME they go to the doctor, and the plus side is that when you are GIGANTIC, they take EVEN LONGER and your back spasms so bad that they      allow you to take breaks so you don’t go into labor. Ohhh…and it doesn’t      stop after they are born, because twins are usually born premature, so      they have to go to the doctor A LOT. Plus they usually don’t get sick at      the same time, so it’s almost 4x as much as going to the doctor with a      healthy singleton baby. (I had to go to the doctor once a week for a month      and a half with the twins until they reached 6 pounds).
  9. The      long/involved stories and anecdotes from strangers. When parents of      children of differing ages go out in public, they don’t hear comments like      “I had a baby once”. “I know someone who had a baby once”, or “I was once      a baby”. Nor do they have to politely listen to the 10 minute story that      follows. Parents in GENERAL are busy, not just twin parents but ALL      parents are busy. Just like all other parents, twin moms want to get in      and get out of the store. Instead, we hear “I knew some twins once”, “I      knew someone who had twins”, “I am a twin” etc. Then we have to politely      listen to a long drawn-out story. It’s kind of exhausting. Plus, if you      catch us on the wrong day, we immediately call our friends and make fun of      you!
  10. Going      to sleep at night. Yeah…remember the countless nights you stayed awake      with your child trying to get them to go to sleep? When they were infants,      your eyes were red and puffy, you lived on caffeine, and were incredibly      short with people? When they were toddlers and got out of bed in the      middle of the night, you simply let them slip into bed with you so you      could go back to sleep? Being a twin parent is a whole new ballgame. For      about six months, my husband and I got about 2 hours of sleep a night. My      husband drank 5 hour energy drinks like they were water and STILL fell      asleep. Wanna talk about edgy? I answered the phone with “WHAT DO YOU      WANT?” or “THIS BETTER BE AN EMERGENCY”. As toddlers, they won’t sleep      without each other. So one has a nightmare, gets up in the middle of the      night, and I’d love to just let him slip into bed with us, but the problem      is that they’ve slept together their whole lives. When the sleeping child      no longer hears the breathing of the other child, he instantly wakes up.      We have it down to an actual science. You must have the child with the      nightmare back in the room in 10 minutes or less or both children will be      wide awake. Oh and…even if the other one wouldn’t wake up…the awake child      refuses to sleep with mommy and daddy as their twin is in the other room,      and I have FRATERNAL twins…I can’t imagine what people with IDENTICAL      twins go through. Oh…and let’s not even talk about the time that one of      the twins was admitted to the hospital. Talk about not getting any sleep.      My husband stayed home with the “well” twin, and I was at the hospital      with the sick twin. NO SLEEP! They spent three days looking for each      other. I was so glad to reunite them when I brought him home from the      hospital. I knew it meant that I would get some sleep!
  11. The      constant assertion that “it’s no different than having more than one child      or children close in age”. Believe us when we say, there’s a HUGE      difference. Being a parent is difficult in general, it’s VERY difficult      for twin parents, EXTREMELY difficult for triplet parents, and goodness      gracious, I don’t know how parents of more than 3 kids of the same age at      the same time make it through the day. We don’t say these things because      we think that we are better than a singleton parent, in my opinion, good      parents are just good parents regardless of the amount of children. The      thing is though, don’t reject something you know nothing about. By no      means would I tell the parent of a child with no legs that “it’s no      different than having an infant that can’t walk”. How would I know? Being      a parent is just difficult, but when a twin parent is venting to you      because of something specifically related to the fact that their kids are      twins…don’t try to downplay their issues. There’s a reason that there are      support groups for parents of multiples.
  12. Buying      two of almost everything. You know that awesome toy that you bought your      child that they lost interest in so you just passed it down to one of your      younger kids? You know how your older child grew out of their clothes and      you just passed them down to your younger child? That doesn’t happen in “twin      world”. In the world of twins you buy one cool toy, you might as well buy      two of them. All of us fall into this crazy trap though, because we think:      “instead of me buying two of this particular toy, why don’t I buy one of      this toy and one of this other toy”. Well…the twins will be having none of      that. They are only interested in the toy that their sibling has.      Sometimes, even if you buy two of the EXACT SAME THING they actually can      identify the exact one that they want and fight over that. (I’m sure that      some singletons do that too though). We don’t get to “pass down clothes”.      Fortunately many of us have family and friends that are willing to help us      out, but generally, the twins grow at about the same rate, and then when      they grow out of it…you are just kind of stuck looking at it. OH and when      you want to give it away, it’s a PAIN. People are all for taking clothing,      but a twin parent has TWICE the amount of baby clothes, and most people      don’t want two of the exact same outfits.
  13. The      constant comparison. This isn’t always from strangers, believe it or not,      the worst of it comes from us as parents. See…you as a parent may look at      your toddler and think “my older child was talking by this point” or “my      older child knew his colors by this point”, and it may be true, but you      can’t really be CERTAIN can you? When you watch two kids grow up together      you end up thinking: “why isn’t THIS child doing what the other child is      doing?”. It’s a constant battle that you have to deal with. It’s an      internal thing that you can’t really just “get over”. It’s something that      none of us are proud of, but there’s not much we can do about it.
  14. The      challenge to stay one step ahead of them. I have friends who have kids who      were telling me about when their kids started crawling out of their cribs.      When I told them that the twins were doing it, they were really surprised,      because the twins started this REALLY YOUNG. Finally we caught them in the      act and found out why. One child was helping the other by boosting him up      out of the crib. Then we separated their cribs. They were still doing it.      Wanna know how? The child who could climb out on his own would throw all      of his blankets and stuffed animals into the other child’s crib. The child      who could not get out on his own would then take these blankets and      stuffed animals and throw half of them on the ground. The child who is on      the ground would then make a pile. The child in the crib would then pile      the blankets and stuffed animals into a corner, step on this pile, tumble      over the side of the crib onto the soft pile of blankets his twin brother      made. Yeah…they think TOGETHER. They weren’t very old when they started      this. They learn fast. When you have one kid who tries something and      fails, and possibly gets hurt, it takes them a while to come up with      another scheme. When you have twins, they are both thinking out the      problem and working together (even without talking) to fix said problem.
  15. The      empty nest is SUDDENLY empty. I’ve not experienced this yet, but it’s      something that twin parents are told to prepare for. When you have      children who are even 9 months apart in age, generally they won’t leave      the house at the same time, so your nest slowly dwindles to “empty”.      Apparently, twins usually leave at the same time and a lot of times they      will leave TOGETHER. Now, my boys are two years old, and today was a rough      day, so I’m not sweating that right now….but just know that we all think      about it, even in passing…it’s there in the back of our minds.
  16. Twin      talk. Twin talk is a real thing, look it up. It’s a form of communication      that twins have with each other. My kids do it, I’ve actually never met a      pair of twins that don’t do it. The problem is, YOU can’t understand it. The      other problem is, it delays actual speech. So, I have a child who doesn’t      like to talk…instead, he chooses to “twin talk” with his brother (which      sounds like gibberish to me), and then his brother translates. It’s like      trying to teach someone who speaks a foreign language how to speak      English, except you don’t speak their language and you don’t have anyone      to teach you. Every “twin talk” is different, so I can’t even go to      someone else’s twins to learn.
  17. The pregnancy.      Yes we have more doctor’s appointments, but do you remember when you were      pregnant and craving that strawberry pie? Or maybe it was steak and French      fries? Well, in a lot of twin pregnancies (mine included), we crave things      that make us sick to our stomach to even think about eating. I craved      bacon so badly, but the THOUGHT of eating it made me nauseous. I finally      asked my doctor why, and she said that in a twin pregnancy, one twin will      cause you to crave something, while the other will cause you to feel      nauseated about eating it. It’s almost like your body is having two separate      pregnancies. Fun huh? Then you become a raving lunatic because you just      HAVE to have that bacon, but you can’t afford to keep getting sick! Oh…and      remember later in your pregnancy when you had to sleep sitting up because      you felt like you couldn’t breathe? That happens earlier rather than later      in a twin pregnancy, and when you DO lay down, your babies are ANGRY. They      don’t have much room as it is, so if you lay on your side, one baby will      kick the bed, if you lay on the other side, the other one will do it. So…you      will be quite a while without rest…that is until your doctor hands over      the sleeping pills.
  18. Keeping      everyone else straight. I know a couple of people who have kids that look      similar that have to constantly tell people “no,…THIS is Billy…..THAT is      Bobby”. Let me let you in on a secret, my twins look NOTHING alike, and      people STILL get them confused. People that have known them since BIRTH      get them confused. It’s ongoing.
  19. Keeping      YOU straight. You know how you have one kid that loves chicken while the      other one loves beef? Or one kid wants the crusts cut off the sandwich      while the other one would be happy if you gave them extra crust?      Eventually you just get into a system. You’ve gotten so used to it that      you are in a system. With twins, it’s harder to remember that. So, you end      up cutting the crusts off one sandwich and giving it to the wrong kid…never      fear though….they work it out and switch their food on their own once they      get older.
  20. The      fear that you did it wrong. See, when you have one kid at a time, you can      look and say “man I wish I did ________ differently” and with the next kid      you can. With twins, you are doing it for two kids at once. So if what you      are doing doesn’t work out…guess what! You deal with the consequences      TWICE!

Again, none of this means that the job of being a singleton parent isn’t hard, because like I said, being a parent can be hard. I wrote this because I know a LOT of twin parents have these same complaints and just wish that others understood them. So, there it is. I hope that it was eye-opening for some of you, and for the parents of multiples out there, I know many of you laughed while reading some of these things…so I hope you enjoyed the comedy and enjoyed knowing you aren’t alone!


61 thoughts on “20 reasons why having children close in age is not the same as having twins.

  1. I’m sorry but a lot if that stuff would apply to my two and my life and there are different issues of 2 different ages that are still very little . I think parenthood is difficult but it’s not a competition like I said I can relate to a lot of those points and I can also see how some of them would be a lot harder with twins I think I’m just aware that some parents get a rougher deal like parents of special needs children and the things complete strangers feel is acceptable to say to them etc and it’s usually not pleasant and very rude. So I guess although it’s not nice the intrusion and assumptions people make with twins at least you and your children aren’t being judged ALL the time . I’m just thankful for healthy boys however naughty (and they are naughty lol) even if they never sleep and cost me every penny I wouldn’t swap my lot for that of a parent with the struggles and judgements of a child with special needs . We should just all be thankful we have beautiful healthy and happy babies xxxxx

    • How would they apply to your kids if you dont’ have twins? Do you hear “do twins run in your family?” Did you have to carry two car seats around? Did you have a pregnancy where the babies were angry with you laying on your side? No it’s not a competition, but this is partly why i wrote this blog, because a lot of parents try to diminish what a twin mom goes through by saying “well i basically went through the same thing.” Honestly, my husband had two kids from a preious marriage before we had the twins. He thought the same thing, and he was SO SURE it would be pretty much the same because those kids were close in age. Even he would say there’s no comparison. He tells me all the time that he regrets thinking that way because now he’s actually LIVING it lol. No, we aren’t being judged ALL the time, but i think a lot. What you miss too is that a lot of twins aren’t exactly healthy. Our twins (and many of those we know) struggle with a lot of health issues just because they were born early and don’t really have developed lungs, or immune systems. Like i said, we are at the doctor about 4x more than a healthy singleton. I am very thankful for my boys though! and like i said, parenthood is hard either way. With one kid or 10 kids it’s HARD, it’s just harder for some than with others. Today for example, i fought for an hour with one kid to get him to say “please” and this is the “translator” of the two of them, so i know he can say it. I’m sure THAT happens with a singleton :). Some things are similar but a LOT are different. I even think those with quintuplets have it MUCH harder. I know one lady with quits that has 3 washers and 3 dryers. None of us can really relate to that, but we accept that it’s harder for different reasons you know? In no way would i try to diminish what she’s going through by being like “well my twins do _____ which is the same.” you know? I think when THAT is done THAT’S when it turns into a competition, and pretty much any time a twin mom says something about how it’s difficult to have twins, we get that kind of response. So it does drive us nuts, but i wrote this as a lighthearted but honest way of saying why :). Hope that makes since. By the way, regardless of the amount of kids that you have, KEEP appreciating them and loving them! There’s nothing better is there? 🙂

    • Justine, I had a “singleton” already before I had twins and I can assure you that rearing 2 children of different ages is NOTHING like rearing twins. Nothing like it at all. I love all 3 of my kids dearly and wouldn’t trade my family for the world. I love having twins and actually don’t mind all the questions and stares. However, I do often think when in the heat of the moment when my kids are misbehaving that it would be so much easier to deescalate the problem if I only had one 3 year old instead of 2. Many twin parent also have the knowledge of what life is like with 2 kids at different ages but parents who don’t have twins have no knowledge of what it is really like to raise 2 at the same age. No one is saying it is a competition, but unless you have raised twins you don’t really have a knowledge base to judge which is harder.

  2. I disagree. When you have twins, yes it’s different than someone wth children 9 months apart. BUT at least with twins they pretty much require the same needs. As with a newborn & a 11 mo old, they have very different needs. And good luck teaching that 11 mo old don’t touch. At age 4 they still touch things they shouldn’t. Yes, sucks having buying two of everything at once. If you have children who are close in age at least you have time to save to buy that second car seat. But when u have a newborn screaming & an 11 month old screaming & tearing into things, in my opinion thats WAY more difficult than having two at the same age. And I have a twin mom friend who says she couldn’t have done two at different ages. Good luck with the twins…

    • I would say that it’s easy to say when you haven’t actually gone through it. When you go through it, it’s a completely different world. It doesn’t actually get “easier” as they get older, it’s just hard in a different way

    • Same needs! Are you kidding me? I am a mother of twins and do you know how hard yet expensive it is when you have one twin that needs this kind of formula and the other twin a whole other brand? Same with diapers two different brands because why works for one doesnt with the other. Twins most defiantly do not require the same needs. Those with children months apart dont know what its like to have to have 2 babies on both breast at the same time… They never had to wake up an feed, burp and change 2 at the same time. Having twins is much more different. As a mother of twins i take pride in all the work it took to create two babies in my body at the same time the pain and struggle it took carrying these two bodies in my belly for 9 whole months pushing one child out of my vagina only to have to wait 8 minutes later to push the other. It was very hard and yes the comment my kids are some odd months apart so its like having twins or i know wht your going through does piss me off. If you don’t have twins you know nothing of what we go through. It is not the same being a parent in general hard were not trying to deny that mothers with out twins dont have it hard but it is not the same thing at all and if you don’t have twins we mothers that do dont expect you to know how very not the same our experiences are.

      • Yeah i didn’t even think about that! Great points sephanieparkermompreneur :). My twins actually had very different needs. In the beginning I was so confused by that that when I would take them to the doc and one would have one issue i would be insisting that they treat the other for the same issue even though they were two totally different issues. Also, one of them was underweight so we had to give him a special milk combo. There’s a lot that’s different but people always assume that they have the “same needs”. It’s kind of odd that people would think that way but i guess i understand it to some degree.

    • every child has different needs! I used to think the same thing…I had my older sons 13 months apart…and ALWAYS thought it was “just like having twins” when the guys were 16 & 17 we had the REAL TWINS! no comparison at all.

  3. Btw. I do think twins as newborns would be harder than one newborn & one older. Cause of them waking at night. But once the twins get a little older I think it would get easier.

  4. Sorry. One more thing. I get heated about this blog because I AM a twin mom. And I went into preterm labor at 26 weeks & lost one of my twins. So seeing your complaints, upset me. Because I wish I was going through what you are. Appreciate what it’s like to be a twin mom of healthy twins. Although I will alway be a mom to twins, I won’t be recognized as one. You don’t have to approve my posts. But needed to let that out. To hear a twin mom seeming to be complaining how much more work it is, just irks me. BeTHANKFUL for what you’re going through.

    • I’m sorry for the loss of your twin. The thing is though, that you make the assumption that I’m complaining, when I’m not. I’m stating facts. Yes honey it’s hard. It’s always going to be hard. Just like I said (if you read the WHOLE blog) being a parent in general is hard. Also, if you read EVERYTHING that I said, you would realize that mine aren’t totally healthy either. A LOT of people with twins have a LOT of visits to the hospital/doctor. So you assume that just because they are alive they are healthy but that’s really not even the case. It is a lot of work. Your losing your twin doesn’t make it any less work for the rest of us. Again, I’m sorry that you lost your baby I can’t IMAGINE what that would be like. What you missed also is where I said that I LOVE my kids. Most of my “complaints” were actually about other people. Even though it’s hard, I enjoy it. I would encourage you, instead of trying to defend your position about how you think it might be for twins, spend time with the little one that you DO have. You said “you don’t have to approve my posts” but the fact is, i had’t approved it yet because i was spending time with my little bits watching a movie and eating popcorn (yes i realize it’s the middle of the afternoon and popcorn is probably not the best choice at this time but it was time well spent with my kids). Rather than getting worked up over a post that was in fact meant to be light hearted but also eye opening to others, focus on you and your little one. I might also suggest counsling for your loss as it seems that you are still hurting (and rightfully so). Good luck! Love on your kids every day! (I love on my boys so much that even the one that doesn’t talk much says ***AHHH NO MORE KISSES MOMMY!” 🙂 )

      • I’m sorry, Betty, that you lost one of your twins. That is heartbreaking and I can’t even imagine what you go through on a daily basis because of that. With that said, this blog post is far from a complaint blog. She has addressed issues twin parents face constantly and explained to those without twins why they’re assumptions are wrong. This is the best blog about explaining to non twin people why twins are nothing like singletons no matter how close in age they are I have ever read and believe me I’ve read a lot!

        Thank you for writing this!! Like I said it’s the best blog I’ve read on the subject and I’ll be sharing it with my friends and family in hopes they realize just how different it is. And also that moms of multiples don’t downplay the struggles they have as parents so to please stop doing it to us. I have 2 year old twins and feel extremely blessed for them. As difficult as it can sometimes be I would never change a thing.

  5. As a mother of twin 3 year old boys and a 17 month old, it’s all hard! One kid is hard. It was easier for me when the boys were babies because I was able to entertain, discipline and take care of them at the same time. At this time of our parenting journey the kids that are different ages is more difficult. She gets in to all their stuff and it’s hard to explain to them that she gets a little leeway because she’s a baby. The twins are easy…..two different ages is more difficult at this time. I am by no means complaining. I wouldn’t change a second for anything and will take my family just the way they are.

    • I can’t imagine! People ask us all the time if we are going to have more kids and say that it would be “cool if we had twin girls” LOL! I can’t imagine having another little one that age and having to explain that to 3 year olds that she’s just a baby! You must be a busy woman! I agree with you! I wouldn’t trade my family for the world.:) The smiles and the “i love you mommy’s” are so well worth it. I even love it when my husband gets home and they run to him, i love to see thaet look on his face!

  6. I do see a grief counselor. But in your last paragraph you specifically said, “I wrote this because I know a LOT of twin parents with these same complaints and just wish others understood them.” I realize every parent, twins or no twins have their struggles. But a grieving mother has to not only keep going for her family. But sometimes we have to push aside our grief like you said & focus on our other children. But that makes a whole different whirl of emotions once the night settles to a close & that grief comes right back.

    Sorry I snapped but just want you next time you get stopped & it gets old (I know cause even with one baby & toddler you get stopped although different questions)just take a deep breath, walk away & thank God, no matter how annoying people are. When I get stopped I want so badly to tell them my story. But of course don’t. I think with a loss I don’t take things for granted any more. If I had both my twins here with me, I’m sure I’d get annoyed too with the things your saying. But now I just wish I was dealing with those same problems with twin questions.

    Btw I don’t judge feeding popcorn in the middle of the day. Heck even for breakfast. 😉

    • The complaints that I was referring to is when people say “having a child that’s close in age is the same as having twins” not the 20 things that I listed 🙂 hope that helped to clairfy. I seriously can’t imagine what you are going through I won’t even pretend that I can. I’ve had a miscarriage, but I always say, I can’t imagine what it would have been like had my child been BORN and I lost it. It’s not the same. On that same note, if you think about it, if i had said it were the same, that would be devaluing that you went through which is kind of the same point i’m trying to make.
      I’m so glad you see a grief counselor and i’m glad that you didn’t take me saying that the wrong way, it truly was just coming out of a place of concern. 🙂

      No need to apologize. I think the hard thing for me is that I’m a private person. The world is a very scary place, so when people ask about the details of my children, it’s annoying because I’m in a place where I’m AFRAID to answer if that makes since. You’d be surprised what a person could do with your medical history and that of your kids. So for me, i end up in a bad spot, because if i don’t answer then i come off as rude, I’m a Christian so I don’t believe i should lie, and if i do answer i spend the rest of the day worrying if i gave out entirely too much information. I’m actually so private that I don’t post pictures of my children online and i run image searches to make sure that no one else has. I know you don’t know me, but I wish that you were dealing with these questions too. Like I said, I really can’t imagine. But make as many moments as you can count for everything in the world.

      Hahaha on feeding popcorn for breakfast! I have done oatmeal creame pies for breakfast! I work, so on the days that I have off I do tend to spoil them a bit. :). No worries though, dinner is fried chicken, mashed potatoes, califlour, mac & cheese and dinner rolls so they will eventually get some vitamins in there :).

  7. Amazingly written and all so true. I have a 5 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old quadruplets. I never was asked questions with a singleton like I get with the quads. And most friends with more than one child seem to think they have just as hard as me (ya right, come live a day of my life). What irritated me most is a lady I know tells me all the time how hard a life with multiples is and how she “feels me” on so much. In actuality though she doesn’t have multiples. She adopted 6 months old and newborn. 4 months after that got pregnant. Last time I checked that wasn’t multiples not even close. But some people seem to think they have the right to claiming to know a multiples life when in fact they know nothing. I thought I was the only to get irritated of this. So glad to know I’m not the only one. Thanks for a great read!

    • Quads?!?! CONGRATS! Like I said in my post, I can’t IMAGINE what you all go through! Talk about not being able to go shopping alone. OH AND YOU ARE IN THE TERRIBLE TWO STAGE JUST LIKE ME! I feel for you! I’m trying to picture it in my mind and I’m tired just thinking about it! I JUST got the twins to sleep (they’ve been protesting nap time), I can’t imagine how I’d do it with 4. You go girl! Lol! The lady you are talking about cracks me up! I’ve never actually had one come out and blatently say that they have multiples based on the fact that they have kids so close in age. That would totally drive me nuts! Let her read my blog 🙂 maybe it will be kind of an eye opener? 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it! I love reading blogs and stories by mothers of multiples, it IS definately nice to know you aren’t alone 🙂

  8. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion! My twins are 11months and its always nice to have someone who relates. You really cannot say anything until you have multiples yourself. I think you were great in no putting down anyone in this. I dont think you said anything mean. If someone has an issue they are being mean. You just dont understand unless tour living it. Thank you for sharing it! I know other twin parents will love to read this because we understand!!! 😀

    • Awww 11 months! I liked that age, although I remember being so exhausted because it seemed like everything was changing so fast and all at once. From crawling to walking, from baby cereal to real food, plus they were growing so old clothes didn’t fit. I was BEAT but I did like it (i wouldn’t volunteer to go BACK to it though lol). Thank you for the encouragement! It is great to have someone who understands and backs me up! :).

  9. I think I’m at a better advantage to make the comparison. There is 19 months b/w my first and second, SIX months b/w my 2nd and 3rd, and seventeen months b/w the 3rd and the twins! That’s 5 kids in 3.5 years. I can say w/o a doubt that twins are harder!!! There are similarities b/c I did have to do night feedings w/ both sets of them, but I don’t think anything can compare to the difficulties of newborn preemie twins. Well, except for triplets or higher order multiples. Not sure I could survive that …

    • WOAH! Yes! you are at a MUCH BETTER ADVANTAGE! Congrats on the kids! I’m not sure I could survive that! You are a busy mom! Yeah, I forgot to add in how difficult it was with them being preemies in that you have to keep their body heat up, you can’t let people touch them. I didn’t let anyone (other than VERY CLOSE FRIENDS, and family members) hold my kids until they were 6 months old because they were born during RSV season. Then they got RSV ANYWAY can you believe that??!?!? I nursed mine so I was exhausted with that part of it. Plus i had my husband telling me that it was easier for me to just “whip out one of my breasts” than for him to warm up a bottle! Night feedings were say…stressful in our household ;). I’m impressed with you! I’m sure you get a TON of questions, and I’ll bet sometimes you even leave them at home so that you can avoid the questions?

      • When we go out people actually point and stare. We get asked – Are they all yours? Did you plan to have the twins? Are they natural? Do they run in your family? Are you done having kids? You know what causes that right?
        And really, I don’t mind answering the questions, but if I were to do those things to other moms they would probably find the behavior appalling.
        We are also frequently told that our kids are so well behaved. 🙂

      • People are nuts! Why do people think pointing and staring is OK? My kids often “fool” people because i hear all the time that they are so well behaved, but then when i get them home and they climb on furniture or turn their beds completely over (frame and all) I’m wondering “where are these ‘well behaved kids'”? lol! I love it though!

  10. Twin Mommy here….I can’t speak to whether “Irish twins” are the easier/harder/the same as “real” twins or not. All I can do is speak to my experience. I HATE the intrusive questions. I never have/never would ask ANY new mom if they breastfed, or for how long. I would NEVER ask a new mom how much weight they gained. I would NEVER tell a new mom, “better you than me” about the birth of her new baby. Just because I had two at the same time does not give you privilege to ask very intrusive, personal, and often rude, questions. I understand the novelty of twins. Babies are adorable, and hard to resist. Twins? If you can resist the adorable, you’re stronger than I am. I can remember asking a twin mom questions years ago, and she was gracious with my curiosity, but she was also guarded. We became friends, and she later explained that her twins were adopted, and she did not know the details of their birth- everything she told me was a lie. She had so many people ask questions that it was easier to lie to them then try and explain the truth. My point is, you never know someone’s story, so, singleton, multiples, whatever– how about just some common decency & respect? After my own experience having twins, I realize that there are certain things that I would like to keep to myself, and there is no real nice way to say, “hey, butt out”. So I just smile, nod, and answer the questions I feel comfortable with. If I come across a question I find too intrusive, I call them out on it, in a nice way. Most of the time, they quickly apologize, and the conversation moves on.

    Every mom & child is different. I know some moms with 5 kids, who are desperate for more. I also know some moms with just one child who are more frazzled and overwhelmed than I have EVER been. I think it boils down to who you are, what you want for your life, and what you want for your child. Parents have so much to battle with the outside world, we have so many evils to fight against. Maybe we should start banding together and focus more on what we have in common, rather than battle about what is different. We all want the best for our children, right? So why waste our time arguing over which parent has a harder time? Why not celebrate the differences we have, and learn from each other? Raising children is hard enough, without us creating our own barriers.

    Many Blessings,

    • Hahaha I have to admit, I had to look up what “Irish twins” meant because I thought maybe you meant that you were from Ireland and your twins weren’t “real” lol. So for those of you who had a moment like me…”Irish twins” are children who were born no more than 12 months apart. Thank you for teaching me something new! I completely agree with you on the questions thing. Having the twins actually opened my eyes to that. I used to ask a lot of questions about little infants, but I NEVER EVER asked the kinds of questions that I’ve been asked now. The only time i really don’t mind is when i’m asked by an expecting twin mother, because i know she’s asking because she wants to know what to expect. So i’m always happy to answer THEIR questions, but I also try to season my answers a bit because telling an expecting twin mom that I had an ongoing migrane during the last three months of my pregnancy or an unplanned c-section may just stress her out you know.
      Yes I agree we should look at what makes us the same, which is that we are all moms, which in my opinion is the BEST job in the entire world! My only thing is that I wish people kind of understand where twin moms are coming from on some of this stuff you know? Most definately you have a great point that all people are different. I love my kids, and in THEORY I’d love to have more, but I know that financially we would really struggle plus it’s exhausting at times, and to be honest, we are scared we would have twins again. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my babies VERY much, but when I remember the sleepless nights, and think about the fact that it just took me an HOUR to get them to sleep in seperate beds just now and take a nap, I’m not sure if i could handle doing both at the same time (sleepless nights and fighting toddlers) :).

      Many blessings to you too Rachel!

    • Oh, you’re experience w/ the adoptive mother really resonates with me! Our bio daughter and foster, hopefully soon to be adopted daughter are six months apart. They’re currently 2 and we’ve had our foster daughter since she was 3 months old. We’re constantly asked if they’re twins. When we say no, they want to know how far apart they are, and when they hear 6 months they want yet more explanation. And honestly, I don’t want to constantly being saying, oh she’s a foster kid. She’s a part of our family and I don’t feel that shows her love or respect to have to point that out all the time. I used to just say no and walk away as fast as I could. Now I say, no they’re not twins, but those are (as I point to our twins who are now 11 months).

      • Wow! Goodness gracious! YOU need to write a blog! People give you NO privacy! That is a VERY GOOD way to handle that situation. Impressive actually because I would not have thought to handle it that way. And I love foster parents like you! I love how they aren’t just your “foster kids” but your kids!

  11. Hi BettyCrocker111. I am also a twinless twin mother. It is very difficult going through a loss such as ours. No mother can imagine. When we look at our twinless twins we always see their sibling. I had twin boys. And when my twinless twin hits his milestones, I picture his brother to be doing the same things. When he’s sleeping soundly, I picture both of my boys. No one can ever understand unless they’ve gone through it. We are eternally grateful for what we have. Any mother who has experienced a loss of a child, we have a deeper outlook on life. If you’re interested, there is a FB group you can join for twinless twin parents if you’re interested. Look it up. I hope to see you there. Only those other mothers can comfort you & truly understand what a constant struggle it’s.

  12. I have nothing negative to comment inregards to this blog. In the contrary I loved it because I actually felt understood. I’m a mother of 3… a 7yr. Old and fraternal twins 2 1/2 yrs. Old. I often thought if it was just me who felt very overwhelmed or were there other parents in my same situation? I also don’t think you were trying to make anyone feel bad by writing this. Although I didn’t experience having 2 kids only a couple months aparts but its not and will never be the same thing having to deal with one child at a time than to deal with twins. Your life changes drastically since the moment your at the dr.s and u get your first ultrasound and the dr. Tells you she not only detects one heart beat but two!! You enter into a stage of shock mixed with all these thoughts… financial, emotional, your happy but then worried many thing cross your mind, things that being pregnant with one I think rarely cross your mind. Overall, yes being a parent is just hard! And If I were to have a second chance of living my life again I wouldn’t change a single thing about it! I love my children dearly and even though at times they drive me crazzy I can’t help but love them. =)

  13. I honestly don’t by any means think that raising two kids close in age is even close to raising twins. I have a 4 year old son and 16 month old fraternal boys. This last couple of years, pregnancy and birth included, have been the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. Raising the twins has also been extremely expensive! The hospital bills for just the birth, not including the extended stay, was well over a hundred thousand dollars. (thank goodness for insurance! Never thought I would say that) Now after saying all of that, I have a cousin who has six kids and her oldest is eight, no multiples. She is also extremely stressed out all the time, but loves her kids dearly. What she’s doing is super hard and I commend her. However the point this blog is making, is PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE TO RAISE MULITPLES UNLESS THEY’VE DONE IT, and the annoyance when people say they know what we’re going through. You don’t. Plain and simple. That is just fact. I’m not trying to down play anyone’s hardships as parents. Being a parent is hard period. A fact that everyone could agree on.

    In closing a lot of this blog is personal feelings on the matter, I don’t personally get as annoyed with other people asking questions, or mind hearing others experiences. I’m just trying to support the fact that it is very different raising twins versus children really close in age.

    • Thanks for the comment! Yeah I agree it’s ALL HARD, and I think you summed it up very well, it’s basically just that people say that they know what we are going through but they are completely clueless if they haven’t done it! I know a lot of people don’t mind the questions, I’m just private and worry about giving out that kind of info. Just one of those paranoid mammas!

  14. I think the biggest diffrence is the fact that our bodies held and nourished TWO (or more) lives at the same time! I myself had a pretty easy pregnacy with only a couple of weeks of bed rest and went to 38 weeks but I had to birth (naturally) TWO 6+ lb babies within minutes of eachother! BIG diffrence between that and doing it nine months apart.

  15. As a mothere of 5 children, the oldest two being 10 months apart, and 2 year old twins. I have experience raising bot twins and children close in age. While it was difficult with the first 2 children, mostly because I was a young mom at 19 with 2 babies. That was not nearly as difficult as havin my twins at age 33. Yes I was more experienced as a mother but when you have 2 babies the same age with entirely different needs and personalities it is gets very demanding even hectic at times. I 100 percent agree with your post. I get very frustrated at all of the things you have mentioned. Another if one that always gets me is when people tell me they are thatdouble trouble. they are not trouble. YES they get into trouble but they are a blessing. I cherish every minute with all of my children.

    • I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE! I hate the “double trouble” thing too! Especially when my kids are being perfectly well behaved. Why is it “double trouble”? Do i say that to people who just have two children? NO WAY! Do I say tripple trouble to people who happen to have three children? I THINK NOT! I wouldn’t look at the people on 19 kids and counting and say “wow! you have a sea of trouble!” so why do they say that to us? Maybe people don’t know just how rude that is.

  16. As a twin mum I can honestly say I’m jealous of those who have a singleton even if those said singletons are 9 months apart u can still go to the pools with said singleton WITHOUT having to take someone else with u, u don’t feel like u have to go to a play centre instead of a park to trap both twins within boundaries to not escape onto the street u only have one child to chase after at a time not two that NEVER go in the same direction u CAN use ur older child’s hand me down for the younger singleton u don’t get asked very personal questions EVERY time u go out ANYWHERE I don’t even make eye contact with people can more cause a quick dash down to the shop to pick up milk takes an hour if I do! When my twins were first born if I wanted to go out somewhere that day I would pack their nappy bag the night BEFORE so I didn’t feel overwhelmed cause it LITERALLY took an hour to pack their nappy bag EVERY TIME we tried to go out and if we were going out all day we had to pack like 3 bags of stuff! My twins were NEVER on the same routine no matter how hard I tried mainly because one twin was ALOT smaller then the other but I would get up feed change settle one twin just to get comfortable just to have to get back up and do it all again! When ur child is sick and all they want is cuddles and sleeps with u it’s all easy but with twins they usually BOTH get sick at the same time and do u think either of those twins want daddy cuddles?? NO! They want mummy cuddles and mummy cuddles ONLY and u can’t just let them hop in bed with u cause there is two of them and u end up with no room for yourself or your partner so essentially u’ve been kicked out of your own bed, u get so used to living off no sleep that in my case u develop insomnia so even after they twins start sleeping through the night u CAN’T sleep cause u have gotten into such a routine that u still don’t sleep and if your really lucky (like me) u go 48 hours without sleep and look like the walking dead! And u always get asked which twin is who even though sometimes they look NOTHING alike I have a brunett twin and a blonde twin! Clearly they DO NOT look alike in fact one looks like me and the other looks like his father! And u ALWAYS get people comparing them ‘aren’t u worried that that twin is doing this and the other twin isn’t???’ NO they are seperate people!!!! I get so ANGRY when people go ‘oh why don’t u dress them the same if I had twins I would dress them the same they look cute dressed the same’ my twins don’t wear the same thing because they are seperate people! Plus like I said I have a blonde twin with olive skin and a brunett twin with very fair skin so colors don’t even look the same on both children I have SWORN to never make my brunett twin wear red ever again after last Christmas where he honestly looks rediculous in red! I do not think dressing twins the same is ‘cute’ every one I know who wants twins just wants to novelty of twins and in my case u end up losing family of having twins my cousin wanted twins so badly (they were due in our generation) that she literally stopped talking to me because she was that jealous that I had twins and she only had one child!!! I HATE when people think having twins is better then one child! Honestly I wish I had of only had one child! The bonding would be easier u don’t feel quilty because u spent extra time with one twin one day and less time with the other

    • Julz,
      Thank you for commenting! I did edit your comment (only one word) because I don’t allow any cursing but otherwise I GRATELY appreciate your comment. I’m sorry that your cousin stopped talking to you 😦 that’s very horrible! I can’t imagine how that must feel. I think more than anything if i were in that position I would be ANGRY.
      I definately can relate to almost everything that you have said. I don’t wish that I had one child though. Having twins is hard, but I love them both so much, I couldn’t imagine my life without either one of my boys. So I never REGRET having children, and definately don’t REGRET having TWINS, but I do totally relate with the challenges that you put forth. It’s a lot, and people don’t understand it. I totally agree with that. I have people tell me all the time that they wished they had twins. I’m thinking “why?” What exactly is the reason for wanting twins. I understand wanting KIDS but TWINS specifically? I think it’s because they fancy the attention, but they don’t realize how overwhelming that attention can be at times.
      I don’t dress my twins alike either. My husband and I are an interracial couple, and our twins don’t look a THING alike (except that they are both boys), but people still get them confused. I always thought that if I had twins I’d dress them alike, but really, why? It SEEMS cute, but when you think about it, that’s a lot of work. The parents who constantly do that have to keep those outfits together, they have to have them washed at the same time, and what if one gets sick on their outfit? The kids have completely different personalities and are completely different people so why on earth would i want to dress them the same? I have on special occasions like Christmas because my grandmother insists on buying them matching outfits and to appease her I put them on the twins, and they pretty much never wear them again. The only other times I’ve dressed them similarly is again special occasions OR when we had pictures recently and all of us wore similar colors kind of as a family thing.
      Like I said, it’s a lot of work, in general it’s a lot, I never wish for just one though. The weird thing is, I don’t know how THEY would do without each other. Weird huh? 🙂 Thanks for the honesty in your comment!

  17. I love my 4 year old fraternal twin boys to death, they are amazing. Every night when they FINALLY go to sleep (in the same bed of course) I look at them and thank God for the miracles that they are. Then I thank God for letting me get through the entire day of screaming, fighting, pinching, wrestling, destroying, teasing, wrestling some more, flushing non-flushables down the toilet while the other is having a melt-down over a cookie, etc. and I got through it without tearing my hair out or drinking! LOL. Anyway, truer words have not been spoken.

  18. Lots of interesting food for thought here…. I could relate to a lot, but not all of it. I have a 3.5 year old and 14 month old twins. My personal opinion is that it could change moment to moment on any given day whether having twins or 2 kids 9 months apart is harder. When you have two newborn twins with reflux screaming the house down, feeding all night long, obviously that is pretty tough. When you’re trying to settle two babies to sleep at the same time, that is pretty tough. However, sometimes their needs are the same (or similar) – eg number of naps per day is often the same. I have often thought that trying to balance a newborns needs with that of an older baby who you cannot reason with or explain or distract (like with a toddler) would be incredibly tough especially if you have to try to get the younger baby to bed and older baby is not due for a nap but too young to entertain themselves. Also, sometimes you might need 2 of the same thing but only for a maddeningly short period of time (eg high chairs and cots). You might need a double buggy but perhaps only for a year instead of getting 2-3 years if use out of it like you could with twins. As these items of baby gear might not have been purchased at the same time this might mean you can’t get matching ones and not entitled to a multiples discount either. I also think with 2 babies 9 months apart you’d be likely to face lots of nosy questions from the public also (“Was the 2nd one planned/premature? Do you know what causes that etc?” I agree that multiples and kids close together are not the same, but I do think we shouldn’t be too sure that we have it harder as parents of multiples as sometimes other family configurations could be harder depending on the situation. I have healthy but horrible pregnancies (vomiting the whole 9 months, becoming disabled and on crutches with SPD, etc). While the twin pregnancy was harder than my singleton one (can really relate to being kicked by whichever baby was being squashed against the mattress under his brother), I am actually really grateful that if I had to have 3 kids, that I thankfully only had 2 pregnancies and didn’t have to do a 3rd one to have my 3 children. As has already been said above, let ‘s support all parents whenever they are finding any of this stuff tough and overwhelming.

  19. In addition to my other comment, I was also thinking, imagine how hard it would be to try to wean an older baby off a dummy (pacifier) or off a bedtime bottle or wean off breastfeeding, if you’re still allowing the younger baby to have these comforts? In those situations, I would find two little ones 9 months apart SO much harder than twins. On another note, my fraternal twins are also very different looking (one blond & blue eyed, one dark, with brown eyes) and also different sizes (over 1kg difference in weight). I had previously thought I wouldn’t dress them alike as would want to preserve their individuality in the eyes of others. However my two boys are so different that now people don’t actually really believe me that they are twins or even brothers, so I’ve started dressing them more alike more frequently as a way of indicating that they belong together and both belong to me. I’ve felt (irrationally) very hurt when people assume that the darker one can’t be mine (he has his father’s colouring). My favourite way of dressing them now is ‘same but different’ – e.g. co-ordinated outfits, like both in jeans, one with blue top, one with green top (tops being same but in different colours). Has that sense of connection without being completely the same.

    • I don’t think that’s irrational at all. I am in an interratial relationship with my husband, and one of my twins has my husband’s coloring and one has mine. Some people spot it right away and still say that our kids look exactly alike while some say that they don’t look alike at all. So i totally get where you are coming from where you say it “hurts” when people don’t put them together or even put them with you. I never really thought of the weaning because my twins weaned themseleves off their pacifiers AND off of the breast. But i could see how that would be difficult

  20. Wasn’t the original point of the article that having twins is nothing like having 2 close together? After reading all the comments I think the point is made – the arguments (including mine) are all about which is harder but not about whether they are different or not.
    All the comments from the singleton moms in comparison to the article clearly show it is a lot different. We each may think our situation is harder in its own way but it is different. Having twins and 2 kids close together is not tje same. Period.

    • Right! Different! NOT necessarily harder. As something’s maybe harder with twins than two very close in age. But something’s maybe harder than with two very close in age. AND it depends on the situation. Some twins, like mine, easy. Some not. We can’t say we have it harder. I do feel at first it was meant to say how it’s different. But turned into which is more difficult. Different, yes. More difficult, maybe, maybe not. Those who don’t have towns can’t say it’s the same or harder if they haven’t done it. Just as those who have twins can’t say they have it harder if they don’t have two close in age. I guess we will never know. Cause even those who have twins & another child, it’s STILL different. Cause they don’t know what it’s like to just have two close in age without twins on top of it. Unless the two close in age are far enough apart in age from the twins (like YEARS lol) So yes every thing is different. Harder? Who’s to say? No one. We haven’t lived in each other’s shoes.

  21. Ok Let me just put this out there because it seems that some of this has gotten out of hand. The point of the article is that it is upsetting for twin moms when we hear that having two kids close in age is “the same” as having twins, because IT’S NOT! Just as having twins is not “the same” as having tripplets, and having tripplets is not “the same” as having quadruplets and so on. A lot of us feel that it’s harder, and we have given very vaild reasons as to why we feel that it’s harder, HOWEVER as I said in my article, it’s ALL HARD, but it’s NOT THE SAME. So, if you are a singleton mom who is reading this, and you’ve made that comment to a twin mom, please don’t in the future because it bothers us. The point of the article was to give you reasons why it’s NOT the same so that you could see why it bothers us.
    Pass that info on to your friends. If something were to bother a group of people and I found out that I was doing it, in a HEARTBEAT I would take notice and STOP doing it rather than trying to justify why i think I’m right. Sorry if this seems mean, but there’s not a twin mom that I know that isn’t completely sick of hearing that it’s the same, and I think that the one thing that we can ALL agree on is that it’s NOT THE SAME. So the point is please be considerate.

  22. I constantly get stopped by people who just want to tell me my hands are full with my twins and their sister who is two years older. I just want to be like I already knew that but thanks. Or getting stopped in the grocery store ever few feet for people to ask me all kinds of questions. I remember when I just had my daughter people probably only stopped me for like the first month, the questions never end with twins. I can totally relate to everything you wrote and yes I agree that there are just things that parents without twins will never understand. Hopefully your blog does enlighten some people.

  23. Mum of 2 x 18mo boys….Thank-you for writing this article! I agree with it 100% and it really made me chuckle 🙂 Even some of our family members insist on saying they can relate to a lot of it when they clearly can’t. Just maybe this will help them gain some insight. I hope so. Parenthood isn’t a competition, only that what we put on ourselves. I can relate to everything you have written, so thanks again for taking your precious time to do this!

  24. Our first 2 children are very close in age, 13 1/2 months apart. They were supposed to be 16 months apart but when the pregnancy was at 26 weeks gestational age, my wife woke me at 4:00 A.M., saying she felt contractions. 1/2 hour later we were on the phone with her doctor and on the way to the hospital immediately after getting my sister-in-law to babysit. He was a footling breach but because he was so tiny the doctor figured he would not have to do a c-section and put my wife through the recovery. What he did not tell us at the time was that he didn’t expect the baby to survive. As his foot started to come out, the cervix closed on it and there she was with a foot dangling out of her. That’s when the c-section became a necessity. The baby was immediately handed over to a transport of doctors who kept him alive until he was put on a respirator with all kinds of wires and tubes sticking out of him. Since his lungs were not developed sufficiently, he didn’t get off the respirator for almost 3 months, when my wife was able to hold him for the first time. He had all sorts of problems like seizures, temps as high as 108, etc. He developed a kidney stone and that was his only kidney. After 15 months in the hospital, we finally got him home but only after a lot of fights with the authorities who preferred he’d stay in the hospital and die because that would cost less in the long term. Until he was 3, he was on oxygen with nurses on hand. Fortunately, with a lot of hard work and prayers, he made a lot of progress but not enough for him to be able to take care of himself. Over the years, he had a seizure, lithotripsy treatment to get the kidney stone out, gall bladder surgery and finally a ruptured appendix resulting in numerous hospitalizations from adhesions. The situation wracked havoc in our lives as my wife could not go out to work at all and I lost a lot of work time. He now lives in a wonderful group residence, where he is very happy and somewhat independent. We see him often but obviously this is not what we wanted for our child. Several years after he was born, we were blessed with a third son after my wife underwent a high-risk pregnancy, during which we almost lost him.

    When he was abut 3 years old, the bookkeeper at one of my clients (I am a CPA), asked me to help her son out with a tax problem. He and his wife, after many years of infertility and treatments, had quadruplets, all perfectly healthy and normal. I did help them successfully but had to call them several times to find the results. I sent them a bill for $150, which they ignored for almost a year. Finally, I got the wife on the phone who proceeded to tell me they couldn’t afford to pay it and how hard it was affording quadruplets. I told her a little of my story and asked if she’d like to trade places. That changed her attitude somewhat.

    Sorry, getting back to the mother of the twins. Since she did not say they had health problems, it sounds like they are perfectly healthy and normal. So, who should feel sorry for her. My wife and me?

    Lady, get a grip. Thank G-d for your blessings and stop kvetching (complaining).

    • I think that you need to realize that as sad as your situation is, there are a lot of people who have had worse situations than you. Again it’s sad, but you can’t tell someone to “get over themselves” because you THINK and i stress the word THINK that you’ve had it worse. You don’t know someone else’s story. The woman who couldn’t pay the $150 bill, what does that have to do with the illness of your child? She has 4 kids to take care of. Just because you were brash with her doesn’t make you right, it just kind of makes you come off as a jerk. I was feeling bad for you…but you did say that your child is in a very nice home did you not? Do you know how many people lose their children in the hospital? Do you know how many people have to rush their kids to the ER on a REGULAR basis because they struggle with health issues. So on the flip side so they, or WE feel sorry for YOU? Sorry but that just doesn’t fly with me. YOu don’t know what those other people are going through but you assume you have it worse. As I’ve stated MANY TIMES, the point in the blog is that it’s not the SAME, i’m not sure how this all became a competition as to who has it the hardest, but frankly sir, you don’t even have it the most difficult of people that I know.

      • OK, so I come across as a jerk. I’m such a jerk that instead of pulling out like many men have done, I worked together with my wife to save this kid’s life and get him to the highest level he could possibly achieve. If you are complaining about your situation, I wonder what you would do if you had a really bad situation. I never said my situation was THE worst. Certainly, yours is not anywhere near these horror shows. My wife and I have come across people with much worse stories. We have befriended them and been advocates for people who need it. You missed the point so here it is but much clearer. Yes, it’s hard having even one baby, even harder have twins, etc. etc. Where is there a guarantee that you are going to have a rose garden? Nowhere. I’m only saying be thankful when you have healthy, normal children. If they aren’t that healthy and normal, deal with it the best you can. When people say things you can ignore them because they are ignorant. Was it really necessary for you to publish an article telling everyone how hard your life is and expecting some sort of sympathy. I don’t have any sympathy for you. Before my challenged child was born, I could not understand how people would get on substance abuse. While suffering with this terrible time, I realized why. It’s because people can’t cope with life’s stresses so they look for an escape. Believe me, I looked for an escape many times but I knew deep down in my heart I just had to deal with the cards I was dealt with. No, I never got hooked on any substances. Plus, our faith in G-d got stronger and we became more religious than we already were. Yes, there have been many people who have made the most unsolicited, uncalled for comments you can imagine. Fortunately, there were a lot more really good, supportive people. My wife and I have been through 32 years of this and although our son has a good life, we still have extraordinary worries about him. We saw many sick babies abandoned by their families and marriages breaking up over this. G-d blessed you with wonderful twins, now enjoy them and any other children you have already or will have. G-d bless you!

      • I just reread your comment to me and need to correct you on the story of the lady with the invoice for $150. After I performed services for her at her request and saved her a lot of money (much more than $150) as a result, she didn’t even have the decency to advise me of the result, I had to call her. Then, she ignored my invoice for many months. Finally, when I called her, she told me she couldn’t afford to pay it and went on and on about how hard it was having quadruplets. That really got to me because I of what I had been going through. I wrote her a note telling her a little about my situation and that she should be grateful for the gift she got. Further, I said pay me whatever you want and I will accept and leave it at that. She wrote back, apologizing for what she had done told me how grateful she was for her babies and sent me a check for $40. Where on earth did you think I was brash. You just seem to like to criticize when someone doesn’t agree with your point of view. You keep going on and on about how many people have it worse than I do. I didn’t need you to tell me that but then again maybe you should realize just how GOOD you have it.

  25. I’m the mother to a special needs daughter who is 10 and bbgg quadruplets that just turned 6. Some things are harder with that many, some are easier. My most important lesson I’ve learned is that what my children think of me trumps what some stranger asks me in a store due to ignorance or rudeness on their part. I think I had quads because God knew I could handle it. Incidentally, I don’t bat an eye at twins, but for an entirely different reason than the moms of singletons.

    • G-d Bless you. You sound like a gem. You have learned a great lesson, i.e., to not pay attention to the uncalled for things people tend to say. This happens with just about everything, not just the comparison of twins to close in age siblings. The person said it–so what. Let it go in one ear and out the other. You sound like a wonderful mom. Keep up the good work.

  26. I have one to add -Whose throw-up is this? You then proceed to probe both kids to try and figure out which one is sick,. The language thing is so true. I currently have both in speech therapy twice a week, adding to the appointments and the crazy overall.

  27. Ha ha. Mine are identical and three months and I hate when people say well mine are not even a year apart that’s like twins. No. No it’s not. So your ten month old could hold their head up and bottle. You didn’t have two helpless infants at the same time. I like the attention sometimes but then it’s annoying when I’m in a hurry and I’ve had an hour of sleep. I just want to run in and get out. Lol. I remember getting ultrasounds all the time. My twins are identical so they shared a placenta so sometimes I had ultrasounds several times a week. I started to hate them. I was so big at the end and yes they had to give me breaks because I couldn’t lay on my back for two hours. It was hard to breathe. The rest of the article I can’t relate because mine are still babies. I hate when people say negative things like I’d kill myself or go crazy with twins. Or better you than me and how do you do it ? I’m tired that’s how now get out of my way and let me shop stop looking at my identical babies like they are a sideshow. Lol.

  28. Pingback: Life w Twins | On A Happy Note

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