A while back, I made a Facebook post explaining that I think we live in a “selfie” society, and regardless of how it was taken, I stand by that. We live in a self-absorbed society. Unfortunately, it is affecting relationships and the way that we interact with one another…so what follows is my self-absorbed blog on things that have been on my mind, that I hate…see if you can follow the theme. Please note…I don’t hate the PEOPLE just the BEHAVIORS.
- People who try to impress me and others with self-absorption.
I am a big fan of people doing what they can to improve the lives of themselves and others, but I grow weary of people using the things that they have achieved as a way of trying to impress others. I’m sorry but I’m not impressed by your job title. If you have a job, GOOD FOR YOU! I assume you are using it to try to pay your bills, so keep it up! But don’t expect me to be impressed by your job title. I’ve met astronauts, police officers, governors, high powered lawyers. One thing I’ve learned, is that in the end, all of these people go home, and somewhere along the line, they complain to their spouse, kids, friends etc. about their job, because a job is a job. Some of them throw their underwear on the floor, some of them can’t cook worth a crap, and guess what…ALL of them have problems, so…yeah…I’m not impressed.
I’m also not impressed by your car, your level of education, the amount of money you have and/or earn, or the things you think you know. I know an entire family who drives nothing but Mercedes, and another family who lives and dies by Honda, and both of those I would consider to be good friends. I know people with several doctorate degrees, I know people so smart that they have finished both medical AND law school, I also know people who never even started high school. Again…not impressed. I’ve seen people who seem to have all the money you could want lose it all and struggle just like everyone else…I’m NOT impressed.
You know what is impressive? A person who is giving, even in times when they don’t have it to give. People who love unconditionally. People who kind to a fault. THAT I find impressive. You know why? Because anyone can work hard and get a good education, get a good job, get cars, and houses…that’s nothing. But it takes someone with a real strength of character to make a LIFESTYLE change, to CHOOSE to love unconditionally, knowing that they will get hurt regularly. It takes an AMAZING person to give even when they are struggling themselves. Those people impress me, because they live for others, not for themselves.
- People who make it a point to announce their every move to the world.
I remember when social media first became popular. Let’s face it, it started mostly with Myspace…but that was way too much work, so people moved on. Then Facebook became available, but only to college students. It was a cool way to keep track of who you partied with at the campus you visited last weekend, but the thing is…eventually you realized that you really didn’t care about those people and you’d quietly press the “unfriend” button, and actually HOPE they never would notice because you didn’t want to have to explain yourself. Then it opened to everybody. Cue massive friending…and wait for it…cue the massive amounts of Facebook posts like: “FYI I’m going through my friends list and defriending people.” or “If you want to stay my friend, message me because I’m cleaning out my friends list!” REALLY? It’s interesting that people think that they are SO important that other people should have to beg them to stay friends with them, or really that they would even CARE if this “friendship” was ended. What you are SEEKING is attention, PERIOD. You want people to say “Oh no! Stay my friend!”…and then you want the gratification from others when you announce that your “cleanup” is complete and “if you’re seeing my post…you made the cut!” When was the last time you walked down the halls of your school, job, or church yelling “I’m getting rid of some of you people! If you still want to be my friend you better give me attention!”? You know why you don’t feel the urge to do that in real life? Because it would make you look like a LUNATIC. Well guess what…Facebook “defriending” announcements make you look like a jerk who is desperate for attention…so PLEASE….just stop.
“Checking in” is also another thing. I can understand “checking in” at a local restaurant where you are having a great time and a great experience, giving them props and a little extra advertisement is great. We don’t however, need to know where you went to purchase your gas today, nor do we care that you are at the grocery store down the road again for the third time this week. Before social media, did you call every one of your friends and tell them where you were every moment of the day? Probably not….so no need to now. :).
- People who post their marital problems for the world to see.
Marriage is hard. It’s always going to be hard. You know what makes it even harder? When you tell the world what a bum your spouse is because they don’t take out the trash, they don’t put the toilet paper roll back on the holder, or they look at porn in the middle of the night. What on EARTH makes you think that you, tearing your spouse down to the entire world is going to endear you to them or make them want to try harder to do better? Now the whole world knows their flaws because you have a big mouth and fast fingers. If you spend as much time working on your marriage as you do complaining about it on the web, then maybe things will improve. Your spouse did not marry your Facebook friends, you all don’t need the world to weigh in on your argument to see who is right, because let’s be real, the odds are…you both are probably wrong. What they need is someone to talk TO them, not ABOUT them.
On that same note, I do understand the need to vent, or ask for help, or advice. I’m fortunate to have a couple of very close friends that I’m able to go to in the time of frustration, I know my husband has those kinds of friends as well. They are the kinds of friends that you say “you know what my spouse did today???”, they let you go on for 45 minutes or until you’ve worn yourself out, and then they say “that sucks!” and they tell you about their horrible day, you go have some coffee, they encourage you to go home and work it out now that you are calm, and you live to fight another day. That will NEVER happen if you spill your stuff all over the web for everyone to see. I can tell you, that as a freelancer, I helped track down an old friend for someone. I found the individual…and part of the breadcrumbs that lead me to them was their complaints about someone else, that they tried to delete but I was able to dig back up. You think a picture is hard to get rid of? So is text…remember that.
So…that’s the end of my list this evening. My ENCOURAGEMENT is as follows: start living to try to make other people’s lives better. Stop trying to make YOURSELF look good, but focus on OTHERS. Focus on how your behavior affects others. If you read through this and thought: “I bet she means me!”…you are wrong, I didn’t really have anyone in mind, just the behavior, but if you thought I meant you, then clearly some of this applies. Feel free to make a change for the better and have a GOOD impact on someone else. 🙂